AnImperfectDream

Now ordinarily, I'd have some lyrics from a song as the title to my journal entries. However, today is no ordinary day.

Today marks the day that I have, by some miracle, survived to age twenty.

...Two decades of being alive.

The whole 'Not dead' thing.

Still, slightly surreal to me. I think I've said that of every birthday the past few years though. Time seems to slip by so quickly these days and yet I never seem to feel any older, not really at least. Age, for the time being, is just a number.

I'll update this with more thoughts and a proper update in the morning.

Thanks to everyone that wished me a happy birthday today, I appreciate it.

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~ [Once upon a time there was a charming prince[...] once upon a time an angel prayed for him, they had a destiny, remember it, oh please remember it...]~ www.youtube.com/watch?v=O0Nd7b…

My journal updates aren't usually this close together and normally they're just quick things to let you all know I'm not dead. On that particular note, I'm insulted, you people need to start hiring better assassins, the last three were a joke and the fourth is busy eating one of my yohgurts.

Honestly now, if you hire the one with the dairy fetish and don't expect them to end up several different shades of corpsey in my bathtub, you may want to re-evaluate what agency you hire them from. I've heard a particular one with a barcode tattoo is back in business after too many years away, if you're going to employ someone to do your stabbing for you,  you might as well make them good at their job and less conspicuous than that guy covered in thirty weapons trying to hide amongst a bunch of pacifists.

Especially when the son of a bitch if eating my desserts, I swear to god if he's in the cheesecake there'll be hell to pay.

All blatantly obvious video game references and terrible jokes aside, this particular journal was inspired by a question that occurred in the journal of one of the artists I watch, but more on that in a moment, I need to whore my whore out.

That's right kids, I've been requesting and commissioning people again. First up, the two newest additions to my Vincent artwork collection.

by Obduracy.

Quite possibly one of the best traditional sketch artists I've seen on this site who put way more effort into my request than I expected. The textures on their art and their defined linework are a real treat and an excellent display of just how dedicated traditional artists are. Show them some love people.

No Vincent, not like that, put it away. *Sigh*

Not in there either...

He's lucky he's so pretty. >_>

:thumb336104919:  by AmmBammKazzam

And speaking of pretty, check out the work on this commission by AmmBammKazzam who quite possibly has the most fun name to speak aloud ever. Look at that face and the colour, to die for. This very smooth and painted style is consistent throughout their other work and definitely pleasing to the eye. Take a trip to their gallery if you're looking for some eye-candy.

No Vincent that wasn't directed at you.

And now he's pouting... marvellous. So long as he doesn't start tilting his head and uploading a picture to Facebook I shouldn't have to worry about him.
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Just a quick shout out here to: who was generous enough to hold a points giveaway, which I forgot about entering, but somehow won.
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Since this journal update is so soon after my last one, it's only fair that I give the artists from last time some love again too, normally they just get breakfast and I'm gone.

| by | by | by | by |
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Now then, onto the original inspiration for this journal, a journal entry by ToastSamurai, buttering him up is probably a little dangerous, but I'll definitely be commissioning him if they ever open them again. The journal in question can be read here: fav.me/d5k57u4

Essentially for those of you too lazy to click a link (Yet somehow not too lazy to read this far into my journal), the basic gist of the journal can be read in the first line: What are your thoughts on Artists and their attitude?

This question awoke something deep within me,  perhaps the need to write provoked this response, or perhaps the fact that I'm really bloody bored and this was a nice way to kill a few minutes and get something to update my journal with. Either way I ended up posting this in his journal, reposted here because I feel like sharing.

Vincent currently has a grin on his face.
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If the artist comes across as arrogant rather than confident, I find myself less interested in their art overall. There is no shame in having pride in your work, artists should be proud of what they make, especially if that art really is something special.

One thing I've found particularly interesting while roaming Deviantart is how differently I react to displays of confidence from artists, depending on my personal thoughts on the quality of their artwork. I've been in a few streams where I've spoken to artists and I noticed something when I was viewing one in particular. The artist's attitude, they were absolutely brimming with confidence, on a level that I'd normally consider arrogant.

But looking at the quality of their art, watching them build it from scratch, hearing them talk about how much they love art, just how much of a passion it was for them, the dedication they put into a single piece and looking at those pieces, you could see it. You could see the focus and the dedication.

Seeing that and knowing how aware the artist was of their own skill, how they knew just how good they were. Being that skilled, stating that they were that accomplished but then going on to say that they could still improve, that turned what normally would have been arrogance into confidence for me and it gave me a new set of standards for the artists I watch.

They weren't saying they were skilled because they had an ego, they were aware of that skill and acknowledging it and despite already being absolutely incredibly dedicated and capable with their art, still thought they could get better (but without claiming their current art was awful, a particular peeve of mine). It left me with a deep sense of respect for that artist and a greater appreciation for their art and the art of others.

With that in mind, we can happily hop onto the other side of the fence on this particular front; artists with obvious skill or potential but little confidence. I can't stand artists that have obvious levels of skill but constantly moan about how 'terrible' or 'bad' their art is, when it's actually good.

I will do this myself for comedic purposes, self-deprecating humour is a kind I'm particularly fond of but I will only ever have genuine doubts in my skill as a writer, if already depressed and vulnerable at the time or if someone better comes along and points out my flaws.  It'll kick me on my arse for a few hours, I won't act like it won't, but the important thing is that I get over that doubt, fix those flaws and then work to improve the next time.

There are artists out there that have little to no confidence in their work even when its good quality and consistently complain about how nothing they ever do is good enough. I honestly don't think what I write now is good enough, but good enough and good are not the same thing. I'm not satisfied with the work, not completely, but I know that it's far from awful.

I rarely comment, but if I see an artist like this that isn't tweaking me with their attitude and if I genuinely think their art is good and that they can improve, I'll say so. I'll encourage them, compliment their work and hope that they develop a little faith in their art. I never actively encourage a bad artist, we all have to start somewhere, but if your starting place is a finger-painting you did once when you were five and you haven't created any artwork since, you're still going to be on the bottom rung later on with your art. It's up to you to evaluate and improve, people can point out your flaws, but only you can fix them.

You can be an artist for as many years as you like, but if you aren't making art then you aren't improving at it and you only have yourself to blame. Certain things can of course wear people down, I often find myself without the inspiration to write, but once again that's a personal block that can be overcome through perseverance. If your art is bad and not getting better, it's no-one's fault but your own, to truly see where you can improve, you need to acknowledge the flaws in your work while not allowing them to be all you see in it.

And speaking of bad art, that brings me onto my next personal gripe with artist attitudes within this irritating little essay I've now written in your journal. Sorry about that, but this ties off the reply quite nicely by linking back to my initial point, arrogant artists. From what I've picked up on, there are two kinds of arrogant artists, those with skill and those without. I have never encountered the first kind on Deviantart, never had the displeasure of that kind of encounter.

There is a fine line between confidence and arrogance in your work. Refusing to accept that you can improve, even when your art is already impressive is a sign that you won't improve, not because you can't, but because you refuse to. If you ever reach a point where you think 'This is the best I can do' then you're right, but only at the time you decide that. A few weeks, maybe months later and that statement becomes a blatant lie. Drawing, painting, writing, composing, any artform that acts as a hobby or a source of employment also doubles as a learning experience.

You are always learning as an artist, always improving, but by how much is dependant on the person. If you don't let yourself see where you can improve, than you can't employ those improvements in your work, even if your skill has improved greatly within that time. If you aren't willing to acknowledge your flaws, you won't be able to see when and where they occur. You're left thinking you're an amazing artist and you might well be, you might have all the confidence in the world in what you make but confidence combined with ignorance is just arrogance.

It doesn't matter how slowly you improve as an artist, but it does matter whether or not you acknowledge the fact you can. Sometimes the flaws are hard to see, especially if you're passionate about your work and what you've made. It takes someone equal in skill or better than you to truly help you see the flaws because opinions from anyone else on the matter can be easily dismissed.

Then there's the other side of the arrogant artist, the kind I've seen more than a few of. These are the people that make bad art, act like it's impossible to improve it, actively reject criticism and act like their stick figures are worth hanging up in a national gallery. These are the people that aren't entitled to confidence in their artwork, ignorant of the fact that they're awful and refuse to improve when the flaws are obvious. Often they're fed false-confidence, their work gets positive feedback because they're receiving it from people that don't want to hurt their feelings or simply don't feel they have the right to criticise them.

Most often this kind of arrogant artist is young, typically in their early teens and taking their first steps in the art world. They either stay that way and become an arrogant artist even as they become an adult. Steadily improving but never acknowledging their flaws or they give up on art all together after a while because they just aren't passionate about it.

Often they've gotten into it for the sake of attention or because one person once said they liked the mess they drew that one time. Young artists most often fall into this trap because a lot don't have vast amounts of confidence in anything, getting compliments on what they draw or write gives them a distorted view of their own skill as an artist and their physical self-worth.

I might have sounded confident in this little rant of mine, possible even arrogant. Everything I've said is mere opinion, based off of personal experience. I have been three of these kinds of artists. I began as an arrogant artist with no skill, believing I was incredible, having been fed false-hope rather than having my dreams dashed. When I finally took a hard look at my work, I became the kind with no confidence in anything they made, I hated everything I'd written. Characters I'd made, plots I'd created, worlds I'd spawned, all of them nothing but garbage. I was mostly right when I thought that everything I'd done up until that point was a waste of effort and an insult to writers everywhere.

I spent a few years as the artist without confidence. Occasionally uploading a piece to my gallery, but playing it safe with my work, only uploading things I had some liking of and that had been received well by people before.

This aided my growth as a poet, but destroyed the more prolific nature of my writing from when I was an arrogant artist. I may only have been writing tripe, but what I was writing at the time was still more than I sat down to write for many years.

After playing it safe with my poetry for so long I decided to try fiction again. I'd recently finished the merciless gutting of my existing worlds and characters and had incidentally built a new one in the process, having realised that that particular kind of character hadn't existed in anything I'd done before.

I ended up liking the character and while his first few incarnations were a little sloppy, it was a start at least. I began developing him further, tweaking him slightly here and there, adjusting things where appropriate.

I ended up with Vincent Belsara, quite possibly my favourite out of all of my characters. I had more fun writing a few short pieces for him on a forum than I had writing poetry for years. He was fun to write, new, different, but above all else, he was the reason I started writing again.

I've had a few ups and downs since then where my inspiration has lagged for one reason or another, but I've never stopped writing. Perhaps not on pen and paper nor with a keyboard but still writing. Since creating Vincent I don't think a day has gone by where I haven't thought of at least one new scenario or interaction with another character for him to be involved in. He has grown day by day into the character he is now and he's still growing.

Old versions of characters I had hated suddenly became interesting again, they changed, losing aspects in some ways and gaining in others until they were rounded into characters I could appreciate.

I mentioned earlier that I had grown less prolific as a writer since the revelation that what I used to write was an abomination that should never have seen the light of day. I played it safe with my poetry for a while, something simple that I had never really had scrutinised, the only field of writing I still had any confidence in.

These days I'm almost more prolific than ever, I've adopted a quality over quantity approach. A lot of what I write now never gets uploaded, not because it's bad, but because it's not ready. It might not be terrible, but it hasn't reached the quality I expect from myself these days. So it sits on my harddrive, often untouched for months until I open it one day, whether by chance or deliberately doesn't matter, but it gets opened, reviewed, and, if the time is right, finished.

Even then it still might not get uploaded. Just because it's finished doesn't mean it's complete. Imperfections need to be ironed out, out of character actions or pacing issues need to be refined, dialogue adjusted, settings tweaked. Only when I'm truly satisfied with the piece will I upload it.

Even then it isn't complete, because I'm always improving, and it can always be improved.

I'm not quite the first kind of artist I've mentioned. I think I'm good, but I know I'm not good enough. I'm working to improve and always open to criticism, even if at first it breaks me a little. I find it difficult to accept critique from those I don't consider of equal or greater skill, because I'm an arse like that but I still acknowledge it and it still influences my work.

Now if I could just stop being a lazy procrastinating bum I might find myself writing less mini-essays in peoples' journals and more short stories.

Ah well, one step at a time.
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Speaking of artists, here are a few that deserve some recognition (No I'm not reposting any of the ones from above, except for one. )
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I'd list a few of my favourites from their galleries, but this journal is long enough already and apprently the first one where I haven't bitched about being unemployed.

...

Irony is a cruel mistress.

...Vincent stop grinning and put on some pants.

Well he did the first one at least, close enough... *Sigh*

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go shove something into an oddly dressed man in my kitchen.

...and now he's smiling again.

:icontealdearplz: Tl:dr - I have new art of Vincent, he gets prettier every time. I answered a short journal question with a four page essay and look at these people, look at them, they draw/write stuff and its good. Vincent is naked, but that's nothing new.